Kamjah .. The Chronicles

Here are some quotes to think about and help you relax to enjoy your weekend.

“When you’ve understood this scripture, throw it away. If you can’t understand this scripture, throw it away. I insist on your freedom.”
Jack Kerouac

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.”
Bugs Bunny

“You’ll be amazed – amazed – at how fresh you feel, when you forget everything in your life except what you’re doing right now.”
Bill Cowher

~ Kamjah
(305) 851-2459

Life Coaching & Business Coaching

Have you ever had someone in your life that on the surface seemed like he/she should be a part of your life but deep down you had a feeling that something was not right?  If you answered no, then stop reading this now because your safe little world is just that…safe;  but, if you are like most of us, then you answered yes.  What was it about that person that produced those uneasy feelings?   I’m sure when you really think about it you can come up with a laundry list but I’m going to save you the time by helping you see the answer though this article and a practical eye opening exercise.

Toxic people - those are the people in our lives who drain more from us then they add.   You know who I’m talking about, the people who make you: feel angry, feel depressed or tired.  Some people have more toxic individuals in their life then others, and it’s important to note that toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and each with their own unique potency.   Unfortunately in many cases toxic people are long time friends, co-workers or even family members which make eliminating them from your life seem difficult.

First lets start with how toxic people get into our lives in the first place.  You’re probably not going to like the answer but it’s YOU. That’s right, get up, walk into the bathroom and take a good look in the mirror - what is staring back at your is the #1 source of all those people you secretly and sometimes openly wish and will away.  How is that possible you might ask: I’m such a good person, or I’m so good looking, or I’m so this or so that.  At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter how you rationalize it so Wake Up  - and accept the fact that you are the reason and source for who is in your life and who is not.   Follow along and memorialize my simple formula below.  You may need to read it over a couple time to truly ‘get it’. 

Formula:

Your Attitude dictates your Behavior which dictates your Habits which = Energy you emit

Energy = Attraction

The kind of energy you emit = the kind of people you attract into your life. 

If you emit strong and confident energy then chances are you have a lot of strong and confident people in your life.  The strong and confident are not attracted to the weak, it’s how things work.  If you emit weak energy then you will attract individuals from weak energy places like: ‘haters’, ‘complainers’, ’takers’, ‘manipulators’, ‘abusers’, ‘addicts’, etc..

Now that you have an idea that you are the source of all your pleasure and misery, let me give you some quick tips on how to empower yourself so you can figure out who in your life should stay and who should go..

This exercise is going to allow you to identify who truly belongs in your life from who does not.  Like the formula above, read it over as many times as you need too - to ‘get it’. 

Lets start…  

Go ahead and think of one questionable person.  Maybe it’s a friend you that calls you a lot, or an ex boyfriend you are still in touch with, or a co-worker, who ever it is let them come into your mind and allow yourself to feel the feelings you feel when you are in front of this person.  

Now on a clean sheet of paper answer these questions:

1. On a scale of 1 - 100 how good does ___Baily (write name here)___  make me feel when I think of him/her?

2. What are 5 ways  ___Baily_____  adds to my life:  (list 5)

3. What are 5 ways ___Baily_____  takes away from me: (you can write freely - no one is watching)

For question #2 and #3 I want you to grade each answer based on how strongly you feel using a number between 1 and 20

4. What would my life be like without ___Baily___ ? (be as descriptive as possible - remember, this for you.)

5. Can I live without ___Baily___  ?  (yes or no)

Now what I want you to do is add up the numbers you assigned to question #2 and question #3. 

An example outcome is: 

#2 = 71
#3 = 83

Now add the final numbers from question #2 and #3 together and then divide by two. For this example it would be: 71 + 83 = 124 / 2 = 77

Now compare the computed total of question #2 and #3 with the number you chose for question #1.

Based on this example 77  is how you really and truly feel about ‘Baily’.  60 is how you thought you felt about Baily before taking a closer look.  Looks like your real feelings for Baily were  higher then expected.   That’s a positive outcome. 

Scoring:
Anyone who scored over an 80 is probably a keeper. 
Between 70 - 80 you may want to think about carefully. 
Below 70 in my opinion is toxic.  

On a personal note it is my decision to live the life I choose so that means I will only allow people into my life who support me, challenge me in a postive way, and encourage me, not one’s that bring me down.  The one’s that try to bring me down get fired quicker then a bad smell flee’s in the breaze. Now do you get it? 

If you want to, you can do this exercise for each questionable person in your life. 

Remember the only people in your life are the one’s you invite in on some level and allow to stay.   If you want to stop attracting what doesn’t work then then you need to change your energy to attract what does work.  Shifting your energy  starts with shifting your perspective.   In other words you can’t change other people but you can change yourself and when YOU change, everything around you changes too.   Life coaching and NLP are two excellent ways to  to get the positive changes you want. Through Life Coaching and NLP you are given the actual key to your mind to open the door of transformation.  Imagine what you would do / who you would be if you had no limitations..

Do you want positive and powerful change for yourself?  Then if you can find the time,  you may want to join me for one of my upcoming workshops in May.  Click the links below for more info.  Bring a friend, they will appreciate you forever for it.  Private coaching and NLP services are always available.

Balancing Your Life:  Life Coaching Workshop:  Life Coaching Workshop
NLP Secrets Revealed - Get That Unfair Advantage:  NLP Secrets Workshop

~ Kamjah

Kamjah provides holistic Life Coaching, Business Coaching and NLP services.  Kamjah calls home: Miami - Palm Beach - Los Angeles - Boston

Contribution by: Maura Marquez M.A. Drama Therapy and Yoga Instructor, facilitator of Divine Play Workshops. For more info please “friend” her on Facebook.

We often find ourselves in a relationship because we are attracted and like being around another person. It usually is a very organic and spontaneous energetic thrill, but more often than not, once the hormones and newness of the relationship have ended, we find ourselves struggling with our new significant other. Maybe he or she says something that pushes your buttons after a long day at work or he or she forgets to do the dishes like they promised. Whatever the cause, you find yourself questioning the relationship and the person you “fell” for.

This feeling of unsatisfaction is completely normal. We need to embrace these moments. They help us grow in our relationships with people not just our significant others. We need to look within in these moments and tap into our anger and sadness. Sometimes, the true cause of our anger is not our partner’s action but something much deeper rooted in our past. If we do not stop to look at these feelings and go deeper within, we miss out on a huge opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partner. Relationships are mirrors for us, which we must constantly look at to grow from. Our partner presents that opportunity for us. The challenge is to be able to look at the mirror in a neutral way without our past baggage.

What we seem to fail to understand is that we all come into a relationship with different pairs of lenses. These lenses skew our reality and the mirror in front of us, because they carry all our past relationships, history with our family, culture and all the traumas and triumphs of our lives. We each come to the plate with a lot of ideas of what and how we should be in a relationship. More often than not, your significant other has had a completely different experience than yours. Hence, it is the blind leading the blind literally. From this perspective, it is a miracle that any relationship is able to last at all.

In order to be in a successful relationship with your partner, it will require work from both of you, if you are not ready to work at a relationship, then perhaps you are not ready to be in one. The work begins by you. It is important that you look within and see your lenses, recognize your healthy and poor habits in a relationship. Encourage your partner to do the same and talk about it. It is important that you do not take anything personally. All our actions, especially in a relationship with someone we are sexually active with are extremely loaded with anchors and triggers of our past hurts. We are naturally going to be protective of ourselves and sometimes even defensive. We need to move away from the negativity of our past, and be open to new ideas and new ways of being with our partner.

So, the next time your partner frustrates you, and does something hurtful, make sure you:

1. Take a moment and tap into the feeling you are feeling. Do not allow the feeling to control you. Embrace the emotion

2. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: Why am I really feeling ______.

3. Think of times you have felt this before. I.e. maybe you were made to feel this way before in the past or in your childhood.

4. See your partner without your lenses for a moment as a human being doing the best he/she can in this moment. A human being who is connected to you and cares about you deeply.

5. Now, communicate to your partner what you are feeling. Make sure to come from a safe and positive space so they don’t get defensive. i.e. “You know when you didn’t do the dishes I felt ____________.”

6. Allow him/her to work with you on letting go of this feeling. * Once you speak the emotion, it no longer controls you, you can let it go.

7. Visualize the feeling leaving your body floating away- allow balance back inside

8. Talk with your partner on ways he/she can support you when you feel this way.

9. Identify actions with your partner that may trigger this feeling again and work with your partner to avoid these actions when possible.

Important Note:

Now, let me be clear, you never want to stay in an abusive relationship, no matter what the history with your partner; there is no excuse for physical and emotional abuse. People who abuse are not ready to be in a relationship, they have not looked at their lenses. They don’t know how to be in a relationship, they only know how to dominate and control. If you are constantly feeling angry or sad in a relationship then there may be deeper issues here that need to be explored by a professional.