Kamjah .. The Chronicles

Do you ever find yourself feeling stressed, unhappy or like something is missing? Perhaps you find yourself doing what many busy professionals do to manage those feelings and latch onto the unhealthy habits of turning to alcohol and the night club scene to wind down from the day’s turmoil.

Drinking and going out all the time can appear like the answer, lets admit it together, going out at night can be fun. Loud music, beautiful people, perceptions of exclusivity and importance, the possibility of a once in a life time chance encounter, the playing on wits, etc.. Yes, the list goes on and on… If you have been there then you understand and know all too well what I’m talking about and how seductive that side of life can be.

As seductive as it can be, it can also be as equally destructive. It’s easy to become attached and addicted to the scene, and with out conscious awareness, you replace your real life experiences for the temporary fleeting rushes the night life serves up. When moving through life in that direction people often find themselves less focused on themselves (the inside), and more more focused on the outside (other people, appearance, approval seeking behavior). I know some of you are probably saying ‘what?!”.. I go out 5 nights a week and that is not me, I go out because I like to, and it’s fun.’.. sure, but the money you spend on clothes to look good, the time you spend getting ready, and the emotional and physical energy you commit to the night often outweigh any potential benefit that may await. When you really think about it, you might find yourself agreeing.

Now what? It comes down to having the courage to take an honest look at yourself and figure out if your lifestyle is either serving you or sabotaging you. Discover what it is that you are truly seeking and looking for through living this lifestyle. Could you be really reaching out for: the approval of others, love, a need to be seen, or perhaps a way to feel validated? For a lot of people they think they go out to be social and for fun, that is at least what the conscious mind is telling them. The real story is that it goes deeper then that and if you are willing to explore yourself for a minute then here is an exercise to help wake you up to what is truly important to you.

I want you to take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Got it? Ok, now I want you to draw a horizontal line across the top. Congratulations, you just created what we call a “T” graph. On the left write “Needs” and on the right - write “Night Life”.

Note that for this article we are focusing on those drawn to the night life so my examples will be framed within that context. Note this is a life coaching tool that you can use to analyze any aspect of your life to find out if something is serving you or not.

Under your ‘Needs’ , list you five primary needs in life. For example they may be:

1. To be respected
2. To be loved
3. To be understood
4. To be needed
5. To be valued

Understand? This isn’t rocket science you know and don’t copy my example either unless it truly reflects you.

Now on the ‘Night Life’ side attach a YES or NO to each need listed on the left.

The way to go about this is to ask yourself: “Does going out all the time give me respect?…Does going out all the time make me loved?…” You get it, so do it for each one.

If you answered NO then that means your needs are NOT being met, thus you are preventing yourself from achieving real happiness.

For the quick one’s reading this here is a fast example:

Ex. (need) To be Respected ——– (night life) NO

As for all the “YES’s” you write down ask yourself “are they fleeting, or lasting”. If they are lasting then great, and if they are fleeting then it’s time to reevaluate why you commit resources and energy to going out.

At this point I want you to close your eyes and remember a time and place when you felt comfortable, safe and secure. Remember where you were, and what you were wearing, remember if there were any scents in the air, or tastes in your mouth. Lean back and go deep, and feel yourself in that special place where you experienced those real feelings. Now reflect on how that experience compares to the night life. Good.. Now on a separate sheet of paper, list 5 things you have never done in your life that you have always wanted to do. Perhaps one is surfing, or another is sailing or maybe building a computer..whatever you write, those ideas are yours. Now compare those ideas to the needs you listed and ask yourself if I do these activities will my needs finally be met. You see, it’s often in the things we have always wanted to do / aspired to do where our needs become met. With that being said I now want you to swap a night of going out with a night that you go to bed early to enjoy the next day pursuing an activity on your list. Do this at least once for each activity you list. Can you handle the challenge? Because if you’re up for it, then get ready for your life to change, as you will know the benefits first hand. Sounds bold I know, but I also know it’s true.

On a personal note I think you deserve to be happy, and live a life having your needs met. Perhaps you always knew there was a way but no one ever really cared enough to guide you. Personally I’ve done the club scene, and still go to bars and clubs from time to time, and in my early 20’s I worked as a bartender and promoter so I know how easy it is to be seduced into the night life. I also know that most people who are in it are ‘stuck’. So hopefully for some of you my article has served on some level as inspiration to become free again - back to your true amazing self.

Remember - needs are eternal, they never go away and supplication to the night life is rarely an answer or a way to serve them.

~ Geoff

Geoff provides holistic Life Coaching, Business Coaching and NLP services.  Kamjah calls home: Miami - Palm Beach - Los Angeles - Boston

“Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. ”
Dale Carnegie

“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ”
Abraham Lincoln

“Shallow people believe in luck. Strong people believe in cause and effect.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ Kamjah

Kamjah: Life Coach, Business Coach, and NLP
..Contact Kamjah Now - Click Here ..

Guest Contribution from my good friend and professional colleague: Maura Marquez  - MA in Drama Therapy

“I had a choice in my life, to either love or hate, and I am glad I chose love”. This was spoken by one of the Slumdog Millionaire Oscar winners on last Sunday night and it really gave birth to this blog about LOVE. Lately, I have been learning a lot about love. What is love? Love in our most traditional sense is a feeling that is supposed to be felt by one being to another, the dictionary defines Love as: affection, devotion, it means a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person.

But from a spiritual perspective, love is more than a feeling reciprocated to another.

It is an endless well of positive energy that dwells inside us. We can tap into this endless source by going within to find it. The love that is unconditional that loves us, no matter what and that never goes away from us comes from within. If we are able to tap into this well of love we can heal ourselves, love others freely and unite ourselves with a higher potential.

To love everyone and everything the same, is freeing. The best way to empower yourself is to accept putting the love for your self first. It allows room for you to forgive and let go. Love is a mirror into our own soul. It is a mirror into each and every one of us. We are all united by it. I am so saddened when I see so many people stuck in relationships because they need to feel ‘love” this is not love, this is co-dependency. It is a craving for affection, a void they a filling up, like a junkie on heroine. Real love, does not need another to feel it, it is already inside us. Healthy love, is only reflected back to us by our partner.

To tap in:

1. Find a quiet and safe place to sit and close your eyes.

2. Take some deep breaths through your nostrils.

3. Try visualizing your heart place. See your heart.

4. Next see the light within your heart. You can choose to portray this as a candle flame or just a simple ray of light. Once you see this light, feel the love that emanates inside you through this light. See all you love, not just people but things like the ocean or a favorite pet. Let it shine.

5. Next send it to out to the world. Send the light to all the parts of you that needs this love.

6. Try visualizing the light of love covering your fears, your anxieties, your child within, your creative thoughts, and finally finish by covering your whole self with this light.

7. Remember you can tap into your love by using this exercise, the next time you feel anxious, alone or sad.

This type of love is free and accessible at all times within you. Best yet, it is not dependent on any other being but yourself. Use it to reflect love to others, to nature and most of all to yourself. Trust me, as human beings we are dependent on loving others but we can chose to love in a freer and more independent way that is less toxic and more from a balanced place. Use love to grow the lotus inside your heart. Once you can tap in, you will come back for more and you will never be “lonely” anymore.

* Make all your actions from a place of love, in not looking for love in a partner, you will actually find it, by first finding it in yourself. The universe will recognize your love energy and it will put it out there and attract the love you need to be reflected back at you when you are ready. You cannot go out and look for love from the outside, it must come from within.

Here are two of my favorite quotes on love to reflect on:

“Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself- if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself- it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truely a practice.” (Shambhala Sun March 2006 by Thich Nhat Hahn)

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction”. (Antoine)

~ Maura Marquez

Coach Geoff here!  In my last blog I promised to write a series on my life as an entrepreneur and what it took for me to start and grow a company into a sellable asset. I’m not going to leave anything out as it is my intention to keep this as ‘real’ and as down to earth as possible. For privacy purposes though I am not going to make mention of specific names of individuals involved or my company name.

This series is going to illustrate my trials, tribulations, challenges, and teachings on a business and spiritual level. If you follow this series you will really get to know me. Are you sure you are ready?

So lets begin..

The company I built over a span of 4.5 years and then sold was a result of the universe’s master plan of intention and causality and was by no means a coincidence. For most of my life I have had a passion for the activity I love - surfing. In pursuit of that passion I created internet websites that celebrated the sport and brought surfing enthusiast together. On the weekends and after work if there were waves I was out in the line up riding them. Through my connection and passion for the activity that I so wanted to be closer too I ended up starting a company that provided for me all the surfing opportunities an individual could want as well as a way to allow others to share their love and passion for it too. In 2003 the idea emerged to start a travel and tourist industry focused surfing company and in 2004 the business was officially born.

As a huge enthusiast I was never a pro, but that did not replace the love I felt being out in the ocean and catching waves. To me surfing was all about the connection I felt with the ocean.

I remember living in a 1 1/2 bedroom apartment with my ex-wife who was my girlfriend at the time talking about leaving my day job to start my company and venture out on my own. She didn’t oppose, but let me tell you…the rest of the world opposed and in a big way. Parents, friends and family all thought I was crazy. I heard things like, “you’re only 26, what do you know about starting a company?”, “Who are you to be doing this?” “It will never work, you’re more twisted than a pig’s tail.” As you can imagine I paid no attention to the negative energy being thrown my way, because I just knew what I was doing is what I was supposed to be doing - I felt it deep inside that I had a calling to answer. Besides, in life, you’re not living your life for people to always agree with you. Real people doing real things, making real changes with real impacts will always face obstacles and criticism, and I mean always. The difference is how you choose to respond to it. Heck, people will complain if you decide to take your trash out on the wrong day, so pay no attention to the negativity and know it comes with the territory. So, get used to it.

After undergoing verbal berating after verbal berating I did not flinch and continued on my path towards achieving my purpose. In the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey, I must be honest it wasn’t easy and I must point out that when I started my company I had a full time job and worked my new venture on the weekends and the off hours. I can remember spending the day at the office going in at 7am and getting home at 6:30pm, then hitting the gym, eating dinner and finally able to work on my company at 8pm. I use to drink two red bulls to keep my energy up and stay awake (p.s. I don’t recommend doing this - it’s not healthy). At the time I was responsible for everything. Designing the website, writing the marketing materials, creating the programs, finding people to work for me, making sales and everything else. My day back then typically ended at 2 am and then I got up again at 6 am to do it all over again. That lasted about six months and then I willingly decided to take the ultimate leap of faith that would test my conviction and prove my purpose….

More in the next blog: Part two of Walk the Fire - The Birth..

~ Geoff

Business Lessons from part 1:

- Passion..find your passion and you are halfway there
- Vision..have an idea of where you want to go
- Confidence..you first need to believe in yourself before anyone else will
- Commitment..be willing to do what ever it takes to succeed, and remember we are all born to die so you may as well make your time worthwhile and without regrets. Don’t let yourself wonder what you could have done.

Geoff is a former CEO who started and sold his last company and now provides holistic Life Coaching, Business Coaching and NLP services.  Kamjah calls home: Miami - Palm Beach - Los Angeles - Boston